It's a modest dream: to let delivery people into our tenement stairwell know when there's no-one at home to buzz them in. And the resources needed to realise it are modest too: a Raspberry Pi, a USB modem, a £3 MOSFET relay, an open-source private branch exchange implementation, and a Groovy script to control access and interpret commands. Now we just need to connect the pieces… In this talk, we'll explore the choices you'll face on the winding path towards telephone voice control of your home: connecting to the PSTN, circumventing the mysteries of VOIP, exploiting voice recognition services, and wiring together the hardware, the software, and the services that make it all work. No previous knowledge assumed.