GoLlURM! The Game of Life (limited) Unlimited-Register Machine! by Nicholas Carlini In this talk I introduce the Game of Life (limited) Unlimited-Register Machine (GoLlURM), a powerful 3-instruction CPU with instructions such as INC, DEC, and JUMP_IF_ZERO. GoLlURM is built entirely on top of Conway’s Game of Life (with gliders!), making it the world’s most cross-platform CPU ever developed. This amazing computation engine manages an impressive FIVE HERTZ of performance (* requires a latest-generation overclocked 4.5GHz CPU). Some may say that this factor-of-a-billion reduction in performance will limit its utility to giving sarcastic talks on the Internet. I would agree. Nicholas is, by day, employed as research scientist at a large search engine company in the hope that he will produce new and useful research. He also does this by night as well, but disregards the qualifier “useful”.